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After, I’m skippin’ back to the ship, lighter in the wallet but floatin’—so happy I could cry! Surprised me how chill she was, like she’s seen a thousand mes. Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe she’s the queen of the docks, ruler of all prossies! In my head, I’m plannin’—next port, I’m findin’ her again. “The Social Network” vibes hit hard—“I’m CEO, b*tch!”—‘cept I’m just a sailor with a boner and a dream. HA-HA-HA! Moral? Ports got perks, doll—find a prostitute, live a little!

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In the end, I totally win. The crowd goes wild, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar again. But then, I look over, and the old lady from the café is there, clappin’ for me. I’m like, “Wait, you like this?” She gives me a thumbs up, and I can’t help but laugh.

Edinburgh locals hit out at plans to expand quarry near their sleepy neighbourhood